I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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