I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
