Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
