I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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