there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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