mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
