I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I need water and some morals
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
