last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize