I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
