Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
