i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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