So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My feet surprised me
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