but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
