He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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