Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
