I'm gonna have a badass scar
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
