Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
