I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
