WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
