I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
