you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
