all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
