as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
