so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize