Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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