I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
