I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
