whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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