i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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