I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
