By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
