i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
