Can i not drive my cunt home
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
