nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
thus making me awesome and them whores
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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