If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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