i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
