why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
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