Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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