I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if only i could text you this smell
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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