I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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