I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
