i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
