i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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