scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
