It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
