nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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