I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
