Just fell off a train. Bad.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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