So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
