I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
