i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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