how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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