Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Even my vagina gasped.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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