Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We're too hungover to prance.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
