She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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