Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
