whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
