East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
