I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
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The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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