What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
