return my video game
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
