I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
