Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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